I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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