i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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