after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
