uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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