i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i drank out of a bidet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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