I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
