i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
