Welp...herpes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
