Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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