Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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