Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
