wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
