Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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