Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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