you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
