dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
