how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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