Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drake has all the answers
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
