My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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