Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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