So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
