I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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