oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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