i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
