If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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