So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
