I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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