I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
