I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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