The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
