Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
