Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
