just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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