I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
