We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
