I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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