new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
