I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize