I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize