Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A bitchslap is in order.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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