I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
