Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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