i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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