I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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