When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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