If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
