he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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