Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
