you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
