So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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