Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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