for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize