Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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