i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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