saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
