Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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