Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
