those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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