Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
