Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
