The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
