They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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