I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
