I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
