I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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