Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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