Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
