What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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