i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
