Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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