Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
