i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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