if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
