it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
