Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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