yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
